Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Still Here

I've effectively let this blog go for nearly a year now.

For the past six months the thought of a post has been lingering in the back of my brain. Not even sure what that post would be exactly, just not fulling accepting the imminent slip of my blog-self into the cyber void.

Slip averted.

So as not to succomb to a recounting of ALL that has happened in the past 11 months, I vow to keep things current.

I am nearing the due date of my third child.

Thursday marks my 36th week and I'm feeling quite large (and dare I say, most folks are very willing to comment on the largeness that is my midsection- much to my annoyance. Have they never seen a pregnant woman approaching her due date? Am I really that much bigger than every other 36 weeker? It gets old).

Despite this largeness (which is quite normal, thank-you-very-much), I would have to say that the last few weeks have been some of the best. This really has nothing to do with how I feel, but mostly the state of mind I find myself in. I am getting excited to meet this little girl as each week goes by and find myself welcoming braxton-hicks contractions, the need to rest, the nesting intinct, all as important ways to prepare both body and home for her arrival. Not because I'm impatient or wanting it to be over, but because I've decided that pregnancy is not a means to an end but a very mysterious and beautiful (albeit uncomfortable) process. My body is making a life people!

This is a shift for me for a couple of reason. Firstly, due to my high risk status worrying has been an ever present part of this pregnancy, especially as I approached 33 weeks (when my water broke with Eva). With each visit to my OB questions would arise and those questions were in fact encouraged. Would another premature labor be on the horizon? And now, since we've passed the 33 week mark and beyond, I feel like I can relax a bit and enjoy the anticipation of adding a life to this world.

Secondly, it's a shift because up until now being pregnant has sucked. I remember not being awfully comfortable with the other two, but this one's been different. The sheen is gone. No novelty here folks. Yes, there's a new life a-brewin', but does it have to be so sucky? Maybe I would still feel this way if I had to do it all over again, but whatever. The shift has happened. I'm embracing it. Sad that it took me 36 weeks to do so.


Janet said...

I thought pregnancy sucked, too!
I wondered at the life within me,
the feeling of the baby moving around,
I loved those moments, I can still feel them.

Look what I got? Three wonderful children
that swam around inside of me, the only
time I was ever that connected to them.

Now they are far away from me making their own life happen.
What happened? I got to feel my granddaughter kicking inside
my daughter, and there it all came back, the connection.
God is so awesome.

evie said...

i love your "shift!" very well articulated and makes me want to enjoy every prego moment. thanks for the insight and encouragement!

Susan said...

So fun to find a post from you on my reader!

For my part, I think you look quite small. Tiny.