Laborland Part 1

All day yesterday I felt weird. I woke with a feeling that labor was about to start and sure enough, as the day rolled along contractions were an ever present fact. They didn't start getting real strong or regular until about 7:30. I was already in touch with my Doula, thinking something might happen so when I called she was ready to come over. She arrived sometime after 9pm and I was actively working (sweating, pacing, breathing).

After making sure bags were sufficiently packed, arrangements for kids were made, and the infant seat installed, we agreed that Rodney should get some rest since things weren't that difficult yet. Nancy (the Doula) and I passed the next five hours or so timing contractions (some were well over a minute long) chatting, sometimes snacking, and resting. We decided by 2 am that I should try to get some sleep before things really got hard. I decided I'd be able to sleep better in my bed as opposed to the couch, so I got Nancy a pillow and blankets and gave the couch over to her. After falling asleep easily, I slept for an hour maybe having one or two contractions while in bed. I got up and consulted with Nancy (who had been sweetly dozing) we decided that if I felt like it I should keep sleeping. So I did. Between 3:30 and 6am I felt very little contracting. Labor had stopped.

According to Nancy, this is not common but certainly not unheard of. Something similar happened to her during her first pregnancy. We could do some natural stuff to get things going, but she felt strongly that my body knew what it was doing and since we were in no rush (I'll be 38 weeks tomorrow) she felt that it'd be best to leave things alone. She reassured me that I had in fact been in labor (possibly knowing I'd have some self-doubt) and that since I had already worked for a good amount of time, things should go pretty quickly when it picked back up again.

I've felt a few "sweaty" contractions this morning, but mostly all is quiet. I'm trying to take advantage of the break and not obsess over when it'll start up again. What a lesson in patience and giving up control.

Still Here

I've effectively let this blog go for nearly a year now.

For the past six months the thought of a post has been lingering in the back of my brain. Not even sure what that post would be exactly, just not fulling accepting the imminent slip of my blog-self into the cyber void.

Slip averted.

So as not to succomb to a recounting of ALL that has happened in the past 11 months, I vow to keep things current.

Currently:
I am nearing the due date of my third child.

Thursday marks my 36th week and I'm feeling quite large (and dare I say, most folks are very willing to comment on the largeness that is my midsection- much to my annoyance. Have they never seen a pregnant woman approaching her due date? Am I really that much bigger than every other 36 weeker? It gets old).

Despite this largeness (which is quite normal, thank-you-very-much), I would have to say that the last few weeks have been some of the best. This really has nothing to do with how I feel, but mostly the state of mind I find myself in. I am getting excited to meet this little girl as each week goes by and find myself welcoming braxton-hicks contractions, the need to rest, the nesting intinct, all as important ways to prepare both body and home for her arrival. Not because I'm impatient or wanting it to be over, but because I've decided that pregnancy is not a means to an end but a very mysterious and beautiful (albeit uncomfortable) process. My body is making a life people!

This is a shift for me for a couple of reason. Firstly, due to my high risk status worrying has been an ever present part of this pregnancy, especially as I approached 33 weeks (when my water broke with Eva). With each visit to my OB questions would arise and those questions were in fact encouraged. Would another premature labor be on the horizon? And now, since we've passed the 33 week mark and beyond, I feel like I can relax a bit and enjoy the anticipation of adding a life to this world.

Secondly, it's a shift because up until now being pregnant has sucked. I remember not being awfully comfortable with the other two, but this one's been different. The sheen is gone. No novelty here folks. Yes, there's a new life a-brewin', but does it have to be so sucky? Maybe I would still feel this way if I had to do it all over again, but whatever. The shift has happened. I'm embracing it. Sad that it took me 36 weeks to do so.

Turning Corners

Lately, both kids have seemed to turn certain corners in their cognitive and emotional development. Even though they are at different stages this simultaneous emergence into a new stage has been interesting (and sometimes very funny) to observe.

Lets start with Will. It seems like every day he says something new that makes me marvel at what goes through his little brain. Today's comment was no different. Some background info is required. Whenever Will wants to do something that he can't sometimes we say "when you're bigger you can do that." Well, Will decided to turn this comment on it's head today. He was climbing onto some storage crates that we have stacked and ready to go to the basement and he said, "Mom! Look at me! Someday when you're little you can get up here with me!" Sometimes I could just squeeze him.

Eva is entering the beloved terrible twos stage. This whole week she has turned abruptly from a mild mannered, chill baby to babe-zilla. I hear frequent screams of frustration followed by grunts and cries that sometimes are accompanied with dramatic body-throwing and hand-slamming into to cabinet doors that are within reach. Yesterday she didn't get what she wanted so she proceeded to ram herself into the kitchen wall then turned and ran to the cabinet beneath the sink and rammed herself into that door, only to throw herself down in exhausted cries onto the floor. Poor thing (I admit I was secretly laughing, enjoying the show).

Speaking of shows, here's a good one. Eva decided that this toy was really something one should "ride."

The New West Side Story

In light of my unplugging bit on the last post, I thought this was pretty funny. Enjoy!

Loose Ends and Updates

Wow. I look back on my last post and think to myself, I could have explained to Kyle why that Michael Franti video brought back memories in just as many words as it took me to say that I would soon (I think my original intention was to write something a little longer). But now that it's been like 2 months I'm afraid it's lost relevance. Though that's true, I don't like having that little loose end just hanging there, so I'm going to tie it up and then proceed to updating.

Loose end (that I'm sure no one cares about now):

When we lived in Paraguay some of my best memories are of my travels to Brazil. We took a two week trip one time that brought us to Rio and a big island of the coast (called Ilha Grande which means Big Island in Portuguese) that is still to this day my most favorite vacation ever. I love the Brazilian culture and music and that video had several images of Rio. Someday I will go back.

On to the updates.

Since Christmas we've just been chillin' and that's I think mostly why I've gone off blogging and facebook. It's just been so nice to disconnect myself and have my only little retreat that I'm thinking this is my new way of life. I don't think it's avoidance behavior. The opposite actually. Not feeling the urge to update the masses (or maybe the 5 that really read this) has allowed me to focus more in general on living life as opposed to thinking about how it will sound in a blog post. I realize that there are many successful bloggers out there who do just that and I'm thankful for them when I sit down to read, but for me it's been healthy to 'unplug'.

I don't think I'll unplug totally, though. I'm just giving myself freedom from guilt and letting the frequency of posts be what it will be without apology.

Will:



He has become a full fledged member of the Terrible Twos as of these past few weeks. Someone told me that three is really when things get rough and with that b-day on the horizon, I'm bracing myself. Rodney and I used to sit in bed and say "He's so great, we're so lucky, this is awesome" or some version of those words (we actually still do this) but now we're saying things like "that was a hard day, what in the heck was he thinking? thank God he's in bed now." I find myself chasing him around more, picking up a limp, protesting child, putting him in more time outs and wishing I could give him away to the circus for just a few hours. But, the flip side is that he is learning so much that sometimes my head spins. The other day he sang "Sweet Baby James" by heart while rocking out on his electric guitar. I didn't even know he knew that song so well. Today he asked me "Mom, can I use this pencil?" My response: "Sure." Him: "You're not using it?" Me: "No. You can use it." Him: "Are you sure, Mama?" Me: "Yes, baby." How did he become a person so quickly?

Eva:



Also, becoming a person. She is now a toddler, walking everywhere and even practicing her soccer skills (she'll toddle after the ball saying "kih, kih" ("kick, kick."). She has taken to singing lots. In her repertoire are the following songs: Twinkle Twinkle, Dora the Explorer Theme song, The ABC song, the Clean Up song, and Old McDonald. Of course they're not perfectly clear, but you can tell what she's trying to sing. <side note: I'm looking at this list and thinking she needs a little Mozart or maybe some Aretha Franklin. But the elem music teacher in me realizes that there's a reason why we have nursery rhymes even if it's just the simplest way to teach tunes.> She is exploring her world and testing boundaries daily. She's gotten used to reaching out her hand to those things that's she's not suppose to touch and saying "no, no" and then walking away (good girl). One thing that does frustrate me about this little one is that she is a mama's girl. Which loosely means that whenever she's upset I'm the one she goes to and she likes to cling to me when she's in a funk (not her father). I get tired of this sometimes even though I could be flattered by it. Maybe it's just a glimpse into our future of super-awesome mother-daughter duo, but that's yet to be seen.

Rodney:

Still loves his job even after the first full semester. He says the students are still difficult but the school is so great that he's able to handle most anything. His neck has gotten a lot better and the neurosurgeon told him that he's not a candidate for surgery (for a while we thought he'd need it). Things are going well for him and we're thankful.

Me:

I came up with a game plan to tackle some musical/career goals that in the past were only lightly mentioned as possibilities. I'm planning a recital for the coming year, I'll be preparing to audition for Opera Theatre St. Louis for next season, and I just auditioned for Union Avenue Opera and have yet to hear back. I still have a lot of work to do since I am not in a formal opera training program, but I feel that studying with Carol gives me so much freedom to still be a full-time mom and yet have access to someone that has a lot of expertise concerning an opera career (not to mention an enormous amount of hope for me).

Explanation Coming

In repsonse to Kyle's comment, I will compose a post to explain how Michael Franti's "Say Hey" takes me back to some wonderful times but not right now. After this weekend passes I will be one happy lady (not to mention a lot less busy) with time to write the post. Until then Kyle (and anyone else who's curious), know that's it's in the works.

Say Hey

Heard this song on the radio last week and loved it. I then heard a interview with Michael Franti, the singer/songwriter on NPR about the song and the video. I checked it out this morning and was transported to another time and place. Brings back such memories...