What do you do when your dreams come true and they're not the good ones?

Well, it finally happened. I had my first "freak out" mother situation today. This morning we woke and had a perfectly normal, wonderful morning until:

I was eating breakfast in the sunroom with the baby contentedly sitting in his bouncy seat, smiling, blowing bubbles (his new fun thing). I then needed to use the restroom. I usually have two options when this happens.

#1. Put him in his crib to watch his mobile, or
#2. Pick up the bouncy seat with him in it and move him into the bathroom with me.

I decided on #2 because he seemed so content in his seat. Halfway down the hallway with one hand on the top and one on the bottom of the seat, it collapsed on what must have been a hinge used to close it up, and down fell baby, cradle and all. You cannot imagine how completely hysterical I became. I immediately picked him up (he was crying ferociously) and dialed 911. He had hit his head on the hardwood and I was not taking ANY chances. Plus I was hysterical, remember? After yelling at the 911 operator (well really I was trying to get my info across over a crying baby ) and being told to keep him still, the EMT was here within minutes. The baby calmed down after 3 minutes of hard crying and actually seemed O.K. I put him down on the couch to check him out while we waited and he actaully smiled at me (how could he).

The EMT checked him out when she arrived and said he looked O.K. but maybe we should go to the emergency room "just for your peace of mind." So, I shakingly consented and ran and got the car seat. We hopped into the back of the ambulance and started driving off. Then the real crying started. I'm sure this crying was not due to any physical trauma, but simply due to the fact that William seems to HATE his carseat. So, he screamed the whole way to the hospital as I sat next to him foolishly trying to "sh" him in his ear. He finally calmed down when we arrived at the hospital and we were seen quickly. His vitals all looked normal, reflexes were fine. He was alright. I felt a little stupid, but I would have done the same exact thing in hindsight. We eventually got discharged and went home. I spent the rest of the day looking at him gratefully acting "normal" and every so often replaying the scene in my head. Every veteran parent I've talked to about it today has said: "Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. You're first fall. It's the first of many!" They, of course, were referring to me, my first, not the baby's. My first "freak out because my child fell" episode. Apparently it happens to everyone. I was unprepared.

I looked back at my posts this evening and noticed the post last week about my dream that woke me in the middle of the night. It was about Rodney bringing the baby inside after he fell and said that he was probably not O.K. Wow. Was I secretly worried that this was going to happen to Will? I have wondered how easy it would be to take a misstep as we're out taking walks with Will in the Bjorn, causing a scary fall. Why does dropping/falling scare me so?

Tonight I had a voice lesson and Carol, my teacher, has a 26 yr. old son. She has shared plenty of anecdotes about parenting that have been so fun and helpful to hear. She assured me that she reacted the same way when Ryan first fell on his head as a baby and that these falls are bound to happen over and over again into toddler years. She said that it's perfectly normal to want to protect them from it but in a way it kind of prepares them (eventually) for how not perfect life is. She also said she wondered if the constant worrying would stop when Ryan left home. "I was so pissed when it didn't," she laughed.

It's incredible how much I want to protect Will from all the hurts of the world and how I simply cannot. May God protect my little one and keep my heart strong in the meantime.