Feeling Guilty

Marisa and I talk almost everyday. Sometimes we talk about completely random things, sometimes we talk about very important and relevant events in our lives. The great thing is that we are just free to talk about whatever is on our minds. I've decided that part of the reason why I'm not such a good "blogger" is that I don't think of my blog like my friendship with Marisa, a place to write my random and sometimes not-so-random thoughts. The first thought that I'm going to write about is a response to something that I read in the MOMS Club newsletter this month that is very relevant to what I am experiencing as a new mother. (MOMS Club is a national organization that I'm thinking of joining. The St. Louis city chapter happens to have their monthly meetings at my church). Here's what one mom wrote:

"I am sick of feeling guilty. I feel guilty spending time with my kids when I should be cleaning, guilty for cleaning when I should be playing Candyland. I feel like a bad mom when one of you whips open your diaper bag to reveal an array of healthy, fiber-filled snacks when my bag is filled with items laden with trans fat and sugar. I feel guilty when I see Noah's beautiful baby book filled with anecdotes, photos and artfully scrap-booked pages next to his siblings' mostly blank books. I often feel guilty for not working outside the home and showing my children that I have a profession, a career, a life outside of them. Am I abandoning my feminist principles? I feel guilty when my kids misbehave because I should be able to control their every move, right? The list goes on and on. Stay at home vs. working outside the home. Breastfeeding vs. bottle-feeding. Cloth diapers vs. disposable. Harsh consequences vs. loving prodding. Organic vs. Non-organic. And I know I am not the only one agonizing about my choices. Why do we worry so much about everything?"

She goes on to say that she wants to be done with the guilt. To celebrate her strengths and weaknesses as a mother and stop wasting so much mental energy on questioning herself all of the time. I too, like this mom, want to be inspired to change the things that need to be changed and start living in the moment. I want to stop agonizing over what I'm gonna write in my blog and just write whatever is on my mind! I want to stop worrying whether or not I'm spoiling my 3 month-old by picking him up whenvever he cries and just relax in knowing that I'm his mother and I am responding to him the best way I know how. What an important reflection this has been for me. I welcome any thoughts or comments you may have.

Another comment that I've been mulling over in my head was said to me by my friend, Becca who has a two-year old. She said, "advice from others doesn't really mean that much unless you share the same parenting philosophies. I think the only thing that matters is that your children are generally happy and you have a happy family unit." Obviously, this would only apply if I am also trying to instill character qualities in my children, but I have a while before that becomes necessary!

Here's what's been going on in our household lately. We went to see a lactation consultant last Saturday, which ended up being a huge blessing. I was truly on the verge of quiting when I decided that I just wasn't ready to do that until I met with a lactaction consultant to try to find out if these problems could indeed be fixed. I got some real answers as to why it was hurting so much and why Will has ALWAYS been a fussy breast-feeder. It turns out that I have an over abundant supply of milk and it is "shooting" him in the back of the mouth causing him to pull his tongue back to slow it down while in turn hurting me. She told us no bottles or pacifiers for atleast a week and that she thought we'd see great improvement by the end of the week. Today it has been one week, and I already hurt much less than when we first started. I am so happy about this. Now if we can only get him to start sleeping through the night!

Here are some recent pictures:







We have a busy weekend in store. Tonight we are hosting a Smirnoff promotional bbq at our house with free Smirnoff Ice and free bbq meat. Tomorrow we are visiting Brett in Kansas City. I'll be sure to have lots of pictures and anectdotes to share on Monday!